BeHiNd My BaBy bLuEs

I've been feeling rather sick lately...
it took me 3 days to write this 2 page essay due to a lack of knowledge on the subject which isnt my fault...but i finished it and it appears to be ok
alex and i have been dating for 1yr 9months as of yesterday: HE PUT ROSES on my bed....and the 2disc collectors edition of Nightmare before Christmas. As well as taking me out for dinner.
i couldnt sleep at all...but i did get up early enough to shower and finish my essay because of that fact.
its 6:35am time to go to wrk

i love the butterfly clip mackenzie sent me! and the hair clip. both of which i am wearing along with the bracelet. :) thanks!!!!
so who wants to get me a ticket to bhs graduation? freya do you want to come along?
i'll be home June 1-16thish until krista and i migrate to europe for a few weeks.
finals are this coming week. i'm not all too concerned. i think i'll do well. except for biology.
oh well.

i think this is the way college is supposed to be....
so the week before last i thouroughly enjoyed a chevelle and finger eleven concert and a huge moshpit bruise with my boy. and then last week was the severely amazing seether playing with flyleaf. where we got 3 people away from the front of the stage and the crushing waves of bodily movement was great. so that was pretty fucking cool.
this week so far:
i've actually done most of my hmwk in a timely fashion which is good because procrastination on reading a 500 page dry BIAS book is bad news bears. as well i think alex is right. i think i dont make myself accessable to people. i dont call and say "hey, do you want to hang out?" and i dont know if its because i'm busy, or anti-social (im such a bitch about it too its hilarious) or i just am tired of hearing ppl talk about their best friends because it feels rude. but yesterday when in need of a ride i called my friend Tambra that i've known since last year and asked her if she wanted to take me to Sams Club was the best thing i could've done. It was nice to go with a friend and then go out for dinner after and talk for hours until the sun went down about this and that and laugh and make jokes. so today she picked me up from donating plasma...and we went back to my house, and she fell in love with my makeup and we goofed and went to class. post class lazed in the SUN (which is finally out to play) and did biology then went to lab. it was supposed to end there but she invited me to dinn at the dining hall...so i went...
and i found myself at 7:30 at night in 70 degrees in the middle of a soccer field laughing and cheering on her roommmates in an intermural soccer game. (soccer players are intense) which we watched until end and then headed back to west campus...where we hilarously dropped to the ground to feel the warm radiate of the concrete, both of which decided on our own was a good idea...and was funny because people looked at us like we were crazy. i told her of the ostrich circle that used to occur outside of BHS on our days of merriment. and then at 8:30 i found myself in capri's and a tank top riding my bike home quite comforably warm and happy that i have a friend to really goof off with and have girl time with... and i had a true college day of homework, class, work, selling plasma and seeing where the day would take me freeley. it was like yesterday...FUN.

so i got trrraaaasssshed friday. it was fucking fun....and alex got his tounge pierced....yay.
oh yeah and my neck itches cuz i kinda got a surface piercing on the back of my neck. its amazing. it is my favorite i think. woot.
school started. i'm tired already but classes seem cool.



yeah. boi!

to cali tonight.
OMFG it FINALLY snowed :) :) :) my backyard is so purty. I cant wait to play in it with alex before i head off to the airport. i'm sooooosososososo stoked that there is snow on the ground, it makes the cold worth it.
ok. i really got to get to writing that essay now.

i'm cramming foods high in iron in my body so that i can donate plasma because i'd love to get my nails done b4 i go. hopefully i'm hydrated enough... have a ride there and hopefully i can get one back.
i wasnt able to start the teaching program due to the fact that all the classes were full...i'm really dissapointed and unhappy about that. i suppose its another semester of finishing my gen-ed's, which i will be done with after this coming semester...and taking random history classes that appeal to me. Hitler's Germany was full so I'm attempting to green-card in because I've had the proff. before and she loves me.

why is across the universe not playing in this state. it looks soooo cool. but its playing in berkeley. fly me there so i can seeeee it. bah.

because its all my fault and only looked at my available balance i overdrafted. and because wells fargo charges by the purchase i overdrafted bigtime because i thought i had plenty of money. no. so it ate my ENTIRE 300 dollar paycheck in fee's and other shit. also apparently adding german was quite expensive, so i dropped it. but the money isnt returned yet. and my loan wont be here until thursday. motherfuckshit. i'm poor. and its annoying. and i HATE loosing that much money to stupidity. i am angry and upset.
and sick. but i worked out hardcore today and that was nice.
i havent seen alex for more than 20 min in the past 2 days.

i feel like a bitch.
anyway. i worked 11 hours today. that was...fun.

so i've lost like 4 pounds. woot. and plasma raised their amount that they pay you so i get 30 dollars instead of 25. so i bought a fan for my room because its ungodly hot. and good news, there will be a cold front on tuesday, ONLY 89 degrees. haha.
well tonight i went out to dinner with adam, his bf will, who is uber nice, and alex. and its 11 and i should so be in bed because i've got to get up at 5:30 for work. blah. but i offered to cover for sarah cause i want more hours.
marfff.
alex is gone for the weekend. and i'm missing denver pride. and i miss him already. :(

i will be in the park tomorrow at lunch i believe. if not then friday...but most likely tomorrow. and i will be coming back to california for graduation. freya get me that ticket!

if you want to see me when i'm in cali either give me a call or stick around at bhs at lunch on the 21 and 22. see you!
moving in today.
big drama, alex is movin g out of his house. brett is alcoholic asshole and harrison is a retarded stoner. and when their lives suck and they get fucked up they decide that they hate me and i'm a horrible person or something. whatever. i could care less and alex was looking for a way out anyway. blah.
drama.
adios.

Laura came up from Colorado Springs. Said she might be moving back up to Greeley in a few years. Thats sweet. I'd be excited to have here back here.
I think i need less time with alex. I love him like crazy and all and i know i'd miss him if i didnt see him all day but i'm thinking that maybe we'll be less EGH around eachother. A little space will do us good. No break or anything just, less seeing him every day.
I've come to the conclusion that I work entirely too much, that all i do is work and hang out with alex. And i just need to, oh i dont know. do something else. hey adam do you want to go to IN and OUT this week? i think it'd be nice to go.
28days until house day!

what more could one want as klempa said. pajama pants and 190 in cash. All total...I have 213 including tips from blondies. plus my paycheck will be somewhere around 300. thats really good. i'll break 8500 for tuition. too bad its gunna be 11000. time to take out another loan. before the first one starts paying off. schools gunna be a bit cheaper next year... but i'm trading my dorm and meal plan for just the apartment...but i doubt i'll spent much on food. the meal plan is such a waste of money. i only eat in the dining hall once a day. i pay for 3 meals a day. 2 grand. i'm happy to be making money over break. i dont know how alex is going to do not working for an entire month. he's got rent to pay. and bills. poor baby. i offered to help him out. >.< because i'm such an "amazing, gorgeous, beautiful girlfriend". he's so good to me. he wants so badly to come out to cali and see me. i want to but neither of us can afford to buy him a plane ticket out here...
so yesterday i worked...and talked to alex lots...and then came home and had a fancy x-mas eve dinner with the parentals. then this morning. i woke up and opened xmas things. pajama pants, hello kitty coloring books and cash. john also owes me 2 shopping trips. One i'ma exchange for a digital camera.
I very much plan on not eating for the most part as of tomorrow. i'm getting better at it. today i didnt eat till the fancy lots of food. yesterday same way cept that there was pesto veggie pizza and i couldnt say no to that.
tomorrow after work i'm taking bart to Lafayette to spend time with Laurel. We're gunna go see a movie or something. That should be a lot of fun.
Wednsday i work and then i'm doing dinner with katie. so it is planned. and then after that i'm gunna go chill with Grecya at her hotel for a bit. I think.
If anyone wants to chill... I'm going clubbing with Mariya on friday at 9:30, if ur 18 and want to come. Let me know. We are getting drunk and going to SF.

ive been busy. alex picked me up from the airport. took me home. and dropped me off. he was really happy to see me. he missed me a lot. i missed him more than i'd like to admit. i went to a really crazy party at his place monday night. which resulted in the loss of my shirt and bra, a hammer down my pants and sweet and sour sauce was licked off that and my nipple. where gashes were cut into my arm and the arms of everyone there from a very sharp knife. which resulted in alex being but into intensive outpatient therapy. FUCK. i know what that is. i was in it. its not so kosher. i really. cant date him. and that is because i care about him. and he's dying. and i am not up for watching him be hospitalized. been there done that. its not fun to sit through. he says i make him happy. thats good. but yet so bad. i dont want to be someones crutch again. i was. i saved. and i'm done. i got acrylics done. purely for scratching purposes. theyre awesome. theyre long. first thing sarah said when she got back from partying with grace at the sigma pi house was "dude our window is all steamed up!" heh oops. so. things have been crazy here. he says i'm the "next one". that worries me. i dont want to be the next one. i like him. but i cant do the relationship thing anymore. i cannot care about someone that much. anyway. i'm not going to sociology i dont give a fuck. its a shitty class i'ma get a C in it. ive resigned myself to the loss of my scholarship. even when i was trying i woulda lost it. such is life. i dont care. i dont give a shit. i'ma go sledding tonight i think. heeh. i'm getting my other tattoo on saturday.

thats my tattoo that i already have


i'm getting this over my ribcage.
i love being 18. fuck quitting smoking after my first 4 packs. i'd have to quit after this one. german cherry ciggs. nummy. its the tobacco and not the filter like the sweet dreams. heeeh. fuckinghell work is difficult because the cuts are bad. i have to wear a long sleeve shirt. which isnt technically alloud. and i cant just put on a bandaid cause of the liability of it falling off into the food. haha. ew. 7minutes into sociology. woot. woot. hopefully adam will sign me in.
i'm getting my tatt saturday. and my nipples pierced when i come back to cali i think. they're both gunna be horizontal but the one thats already pierced, i'm getting a vertical behind it. let the massive amounts of piecings and tattoos commence. i garuntee you. i will be spending thousands on them. i am contemplating getting my star of david covered up or fixedup. i supposed harris would be saddened if i got it covered up. haha but it is my body. and that one i did not think about as much. i would never cover up my crying smiley though. that one will stay there forever.
*beneath the sheats of paper lies my truth. but they have to go. i have to go.*
FUCK yes. the matches came out with a new CD.

okay everyone. i'm coming back to california on the 22nd. AND MY 18th BIRTHDAY PARTY will be at my place on Saturday the 25th at my place at 1pm. Basically. Think of my going away party. It'll be like that. It'll be fun. Pass it around to my friends that dont read my Lj and let me know if your coming and if ur bringing ppl.

HAHA i dont know how to explain other then i have COUCH BURN on my knees. its like rug burn but from our dorm couch. it sounds dirty. it is. i hold the dorm record for 5 hours. i broke the rule about the couch. but they dont have to know that. i come home in 6 FUCKING DAYS GUYS. and i turn 18 in 8 DAYS. i cant wait to come back and see my town and my friends. wøø†. get away from work. get a tattoo. go to a club with mariya. haha wonder if my parents are going to flip over the whole tung ring thing.we'll see. i've been with alex every night since...monday. cept tonight he's hanging with his gf. oh well. what a boy what a boy. apparently never cheated til he met me. oops. wonder if he's gunna dump her. i wouldnt date him. i couldnt do it.

i have knife cuts in my hand from gripping alexs knife in my hand last night. looooong story. he has a knife collection. its pretty cool. his house is crazy. i went over there and there was a lot of drunken yelling and screaming. from his roommates. a visit from the cops. haha. lets just say if brett had let them in we would have been in so much shit. butane on the desk. perscriptions laying around. mass quantitys of empty beer and liqour bottles. tho three of them are 21. and alex's knife collection. one of which was in my shirt. haha. anyway. we attempted to watch ZIM...i got home at 6am. soooo tired. oh well. it was fun. man does that boy worry me though... he's so...like me...and almost got put away today. uh uh. i wont let him. he's such a sweet boy. so i guess thats my new task. trying to fix him. i find that often that is what i spend all of my time doing instead of fixing myself. i help other people. and i'd really like it if he didnt off himself. his band is too amazing. j/k.
yay for planned parenthood. i love that place now...birthcontrol woot. haha i feel so HETEROSEXUAL. that causes a semi-identity crisis. but yeah. i've been meaning to get that since...sophomore year. it woulda been easier if i had done it then or not. i'm not looking forward to the odd side affects. expecially since i smoke. oh well. NO BABIES. haha thats what all my roommates yell when their alarm clock goes off. no babies for veronica. i feel much better now that i got the EC too. thats what i miss about cali. right on campus FREE all of that through the health center. here i have to pay. i get a discount and 22 a month is a good price to not have babies.

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woot....i am quite tired. and have much studying an painting nails black to be doing. i sincerely hope that i pass all of my classes. i dont want to have to pay the extra 2500 and basically i'll be fucked if i do...so i'm stressing. exclusionary acts of the roommate. apparently grace and sarah decided they want to room together so they're going to make nicki move into my room. FUCK that. ugh. that pisses me off. whatever.
its looking like i only have a ten percent chance of coming to california on the tenth. for katies birthday. that really sucks...i suppose i'll mail her her present. 0.o
i am so glad kyle is covering my work shift tonight :D